When I woke up this morning, I was thinking today is 10th of September. Somehow my sense about days is lose just because I had a pretty painful headache. I'm not hang over because I never go to the club at here. I think I got that painful headache because of I often read anything in inappropriate lighting. So, here the headache come! This headache somehow made me feel like almost fatigue! Thanks God that I already went to the church last night.
Then, I went out from my room and ask our helper to buy food for me so I can eat headache medicine after that.
After a while, I saw a news about famous 'dangdut' singer who just lost his wife few days ago and made pray services for her at three different places at the same time. Actually I don't like that guy since he always made controversial news and those news somehow so childish and not important issues. But when I heard about his lost news few days ago, I feel sorry for him. My condolence for him. It always painful if we lost someone that we love especially when we lost them unexpectedly. And somehow, they just married and his wife is a nice person (based on news).
I finished my food as soon as possible since I don't like sad news. Especially about death. I hate it the most!
After that I went to my room and tried to finish my review about a journal. But since my headache is worsen, so I decided to eat medicine and sleep.
It's almost 5PM (GMT+7) when I woke up. Somehow my headache already quite better. Then I checked my blackberry when I saw so many tweets' notification in my inbox. When I opened it, mostly all of people talked and tweeted about 9/11 incident.
Wait!!
9/11? Is that 9/11 terrorist incident?
Suddenly I checked my calendar and see. Yes! Today is September 11, 2011!
Then I took sometimes to reflect that day and many unexpectedly death issues.
It's really painful when we remembered what happened at that time. I watched from news how the plane crashed to the WTC building and killed many people. I watched how hectic that day. I watched how hard the fire fighters, police, and many people put their efforts to save any single life. I watched how our embassy staffs try so hard to check about our people condition. And how one of family in Indonesia must mourn and let go their son as one of passenger in that plane. I hate those despicable people who took many lives easily and have no compassion. I cursed them in my heart. Then I cried in my heart. My condolence for those people who left this world at that incident.
That is 9/11 for me.
Then, it was tsunami in Aceh in December 2004. I remembered how horrified it was for us. My family and I was in Hadyai, Thailand at that time and was planning to go to Phuket in the morning. But when my parents and I are having breakfast and my brothers still in their rooms, it happens! Big earthquake and I must guard my parents out from building. Many people who are still in the towels running away to emergency exit. The eartquake is quite long and I already prepared for the worst since I couldn't see my brothers. I still remember how my mom is trying her best to not cry and pray in her heart. My dad is so calm (maybe because he lived in Japan for a long time before so he is kinda expert about earthquake thingy than us) and its help me much to make poker face while I'm praying for everyone, hopefully no one is hurt. When we reach exit door at ground, I still remember how relieved I am and crying while I'm seeing all of my brothers already at the streets and called me and my parents. My mom and dad hugged them immediately.
We are so thankful that God Lord really love us and protect us in many ways.
After that, we saw in news that tsunami happened in Aceh and killed many people. The news showed how many people tried to survive theirselves and histerically scream everywhere.
We were so speechless in horrid silence.
My dad tried to calm my mom who just cry when she is watching CNN.
My favorite auntie and her family live there. And her place is one of the worst place which are hitting by tsunami.
That was our worst holiday ever. The tour to Singapore seems not great at all. Even when we just reaching KL, my mom was still trying her best to contact all of her family and ask about my auntie condition.
Miracle does happen. And always be happened if God Lord want to.
My auntie and all of her family is save and already reached Medan with Germany Aircraft. We are so relieved.
Once again, so sudden death is awful. It's so unfair for many people who are still alive. My condolence to all of Aceh Tsunami victims and I cried again in my heart.
Then I experienced Jogjakarta's earthquake in May 2006. I'm still in Jogjakarta and prepare to go to Netherlands at that time. I still remember how hectic at that time and a false announcement that tsunami happens. So many people are trying to run to Merapi Mountain direction. I can't call my mom since the connection from my cellphone is totally awful. Thanks God that I can borrow someone home phone. I called her and she told me that the center of earthquake from Merapi Mountains. After that I went to hospital to visit one of my friend (who already like my brother) who got injured while he's trying to save himself yet his house roof is collapsed. But now, he already healthy like before. And many people also death at that time. Another unexpectedly death. Once again, I cried in my heart. My condolonce for the victims.
And then I live in Netherlands. Many things happened in my live. My uncles also die because of their healthiness issues. My condolences for them too.
28th January 2008.
I hate that date.
I hate that date for sure.
My daddy passed away while I'm still in my flight from Netherlands to Indonesia.
It's a so sudden death.
I just talk with him last night and said I will go back tomorrow morning to Indonesia.
I can't cry.
I can't cry at all yet I blame for myself for my lateness arrival.
I hate my God Lord.
I hate my daddy for leaving me while I'm still on my way.
But honestly,
I hate myself. I really hate myself. I really hate myself so much.
Then I cry over and over and over again everytime I remember him.
I wish I can be arrived 5 minutes before he closed his eyes forever. I wish I can hug him alive and say how I miss him and I will gain my master degree in a month. I wish I can say sorry for not married first before he left us. I know how he wants grandchildren.
I wish I can turn back the time.
But I can't.
I'm so devastated and blame for myself for not there at his last moment.
I blame for myself for years.
Unexpectedly death is so cruel.
It's so unfair in many ways for anyone who still alive.
Now, I cried outloud and my heart is broken.
After my daddy passed away, I can feel exactly what 9/11, Aceh tsunami and Jogjakarta's earthquake victims' family feel.
Unexpectedly death is so cruel and unfair.
It's so painful and hurt. It's so devastated.
I even can't say "my condolence" anymore since its not help at all.
But I remember what my daddy say, "History is a lesson and you must move on for better future with try your best this present with all of your might and don't forget to pray and surrender to God Lord".
So, I will stand firmly and let go everything. Coz I believe my daddy and all of the victims already in heaven with God Lord.
Let's chin up and move forward and make all of people who already left proud about us!
'Coz we are still alive and we still have some missions to make this world better in God Lord Name.
P.S : The picture of white roses means 'remembering and purity love'.
Sent from my BlackBerry®
powered by Sinyal Kuat INDOSAT